The Consummation: Josh and Kat Part III (The Club Book 7) Page 16

  I flip on a lamp and instantly spot a room-service tray on a table, so I head over there like a starving hyena looking for a carcass.

  Along with utensils and tiny salt-and-pepper shakers, there’s a handwritten note on the tray: “Mr. Faraday, per your request, an assortment of cold-food selections are in the refrigerator. Please let us know if you require anything further.”

  I make a “yay” face to myself and happily beeline over to the refrigerator.

  Sweet Baby Jesus, I’ve hit the mother lode. If I didn’t already love Josh, I would have just fallen in love with him. How’d he know to have food waiting for me when I woke up? Is he some sort of pregnant-woman whisperer?

  For a solid fifteen minutes, I’m a ravenous animal, stuffing food into my mouth with both fists and making “nom nom nom” sounds in the quiet room like Homer Simpson at a doughnut shop—and when I’m done eating and feeling fan-fucking-tastic again, a steely determination suddenly washes over me: It’s time to get my man.

  I head back into the dark bedroom and fumble around in the moonlight until I find my laptop. I scroll into my music and stop when I see Audra Mae, my new obsession. “Addicted to You” with Aviici leaps out at me from my song list. Oh, how I want to make love to Josh to this redonkulously awesome song—but I’ll just have to wait. Josh and I have already confessed we’re addicted to each other—now it’s time for us to take our words to the next level. But to get Josh over the line, I’m thinking I’m gonna need a song that’ll beat Josh over the head with an “I love you” sledge hammer—a song that leaves absolutely no room for misunderstanding.

  As I scroll through my music, I realize I’ve got lots of options—the lyrics “I love you” aren’t exactly a rare commodity when it comes to pop music—but I stop scrolling when I see “1234” by the Plain White T’s. I absolutely love this sweet little song—and the lyrics are so literal, Josh would have to be a pill bug not to catch their meaning.

  I set the song to play on a loop, tiptoe slowly to the bed, and, as the song begins, slip naked under the covers onto my left side, facing Josh.

  When I slide my arm over Josh’s sleeping body, his skin is warm and smooth. Delectable. I nuzzle Josh’s nose with mine and kiss his soft lips and run my fingertips over the ridges in his abs. Gently, ever so gently, I stroke his dick from his balls to his tip, and then stroke his shaft with the barest of touches, and the sensation of him hardening in my hand, even before he’s fully awakened, ignites me.

  I throw my leg over Josh’s hip and slip his full length inside me and ride him slowly, reaching between my legs to feel him slipping in and out of me as I do, and in no time at all, Josh’s lips find my neck, his warm hands find my breasts and belly and hips and clit, his tongue slips inside my moaning mouth, and his movement inside me deepens and intensifies. And all the while, the Plain White T’s sing those three little words repeatedly, telling Josh exactly how I feel—and more importantly, instructing him there’s only one thing to do: say “I love you.”

  “Kat,” Josh breathes. “I missed you.”

  Not the words I’m hoping for, but this feels so damned good, I don’t even care. I gyrate my hips passionately, coaxing Josh to his release, but, much to my surprise, Josh pulls out of me, pushes me onto my back, and begins pleasuring me in every conceivable way. He kisses my breasts and neck and face and runs his hands over my thighs and sucks on my fingers and toes and kisses my inner thighs, and, finally, laps at me with his warm, wet tongue, licking my clit with particular fervor. A warm and delicious orgasm rolls through me, almost lazily, like it’s taking its time on a quiet Sunday afternoon. Finally, Josh slips inside me again and gyrates on top of me until he comes, too, just as the Plain White T’s are telling him, as explicitly as song lyrics can possibly do, it’s time for him to freaking tell me he loves me already.

  When we’re done, we lie nose to nose for a long moment, stroking each other’s warm skin in the dark.

  “Did you choose this song or was it the next song on your playlist?” he asks.

  “I chose it. Because of its lyrics. Specifically. For you.”

  There’s a beat.

  Josh takes a deep breath. “I love you, Kat.”

  Every hair on my body stands on end. Thank you, Baby Jesus in the Manger.

  “I love you more than the air I breathe,” Josh continues. “More than life itself. I love you so, so much, Kat.” He lets out a shaky breath. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

  Thank you, God. I throw my arms around Josh’s neck and kiss the hell out of him. “I love you, too,” I blurt. “I love you, Josh. Oh my God. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

  Josh clutches me fiercely. “I love you with all my heart and soul, Kat.”

  “I love you to the moon and back again,” I say.

  Josh is trembling, covering my face and neck with kisses. “I love you more than I knew was even possible,” he says.

  “I love you, I love you, I love you,” I reply.

  “No one’s ever said those words to me before,” he whispers. “Thank you. Oh my God, thank you.”

  “What?” I say, but my words are muffled by his furious lips.

  “I love you,” he says, over and over, kissing me without reprieve.

  I laugh and cry at the same time, I’m so completely flooded with joy. “I can’t live without you,” I murmur into his lips. “I can’t breathe without you. I can’t—”

  Josh pulls away from kissing me. “Move in with me, Kat,” he blurts.

  My heart leaps. I don’t even need to think about it. “Yes.”

  “Yes?”

  “Yes.”

  He kisses me voraciously, yet again.

  Damn, I wish I could see Josh’s beautiful blue eyes right now, but the room is too dark. “Are you sure?” I ask, and immediately regret it. Why am I giving Josh a chance to worm out of his offer? Stupid Kat!

  But my worry is for nothing—Josh thrills me with his immediate and confident reply: “I’m sure,” he says. “I can’t live without you. I love you more than life itself.”

  I exhale and hug him fervently. “I love you,” I gasp. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

  “I can’t stand being away from you,” he says. “I want to sleep with you every night. I want to wake up to the sight of you every morning. I want to take care of you—to make all your dreams come true.”

  “Oh my God. I’m gonna explode,” I say, tears rising in my eyes.

  “When can you move in?”

  “Right away.”

  “Oh my God,” he says. He’s panting. “This is gonna be awesome.”

  He’s shaking like a leaf. Is that anxiety or joy coursing through his veins? I wish I could see his face.

  “I haven’t even met with the interior designer for my house yet,” Josh says breathlessly. “We’ll decorate the place together. It’ll be our house, Kat—with our baby—yeah, and we’ll make one of the rooms a nursery, and you can decorate it however you like and we’ll live together and raise our kid and we’ll be happy.” He’s rambling maniacally, practically gasping for air, stroking my face feverishly. It’s like the Hoover Dam has broken inside him and a pent-up reservoir of words and feelings is gushing out of him all at once. “We’ll be together because we want to be,” Josh continues, his words pouring out of him like a torrent. “Because we love each other. We won’t need a piece of paper to make our commitment official.” He abruptly stops talking. His voice quavers. “Right? We love each other and that’s all we need?” He swallows audibly. “Right?”

  “I don’t need a piece of paper,” I say soothingly. “All I need is you, Josh. If you promise to love me and our baby the best way you know how, that’s enough for me.”

  He exhales a huge breath. “I promise. I’ll love you and our baby. That’s what I can give you.”

  “Then that’s enough.”

  He’s panting now. “I want you to live with me, babe—I want you to be all mine.”

  “I will be.
I am.”

  “Promise?” He’s trembling against me.

  “I promise.”

  His chest is heaving against mine. He’s literally twitching and jerking next to me. I touch his face. His cheeks are wet.

  I’m flabbergasted. “Josh? Oh my God. Are you okay?”

  Josh grips me to him. “I love you more than I ever thought possible. I didn’t know I could love like this. I didn’t know I was capable.”

  Wetness is streaming across my fingertips.

  “I love you, too,” I say, trying to calm him. “More than I thought possible. Baby, what’s wrong?”

  Josh takes a shuddering breath, obviously trying to collect himself.

  “Josh, honey, calm down. Breathe. You’re going off the deep end all of a sudden. This is a happy thing—nothing to cry about.”

  Josh suddenly sits up in the bed, shaking, and I rub his back, trying to soothe him. This isn’t how I expected this to go. I thought I’d coax the magic words out of him and we’d hug and kiss and make love and then nuzzle noses. I don’t understand. It’s almost like he’s having some sort of panic attack. What the hell is happening to him?

  “When I asked you to marry me at the hospital, you were right to say no,” he says, panting. “I was just doing the right thing. I was acting out of obligation—trying to appease my father’s ghost—or maybe flip him the bird, I dunno. But I shouldn’t have asked that—I realize now I can’t deliver on that.”

  The hairs on the arms are standing up. “Sssh,” I soothe. “I don’t care about getting married. I just want you. We’re having a baby together—that’s plenty for us to deal with. Our love is enough.”

  There’s a very long silence between us. I have no idea what to say or do, so I continue rubbing his back. He’s quiet for so long, I’m beginning to feel like maybe he’s regretting telling me he loves me.

  “Josh?” I ask, my stomach clenching. “I don’t understand why you’re freaking out.”

  Josh pauses. “My dad blew his brains out onto her wedding dress, Kat,” he says softly, barely above a whisper.

  My heart is pulsing in my ears. I wait but he doesn’t elaborate. “I don’t understand,” I finally say.

  “If you were my wife,” he continues, “and if I lost you, I’m scared I’d do the same fucking thing. He always said I’m just like him.”

  My heart lurches into my throat. “Josh,” I whisper. “Why are you... ? I don’t understand.” I sit up next to him and put my cheek on his shoulder, still rubbing his back. “Please explain what you’re feeling right now.”

  “I’ve lost everyone I love, my whole life,” he says, barely above a whisper. “Every single time I love someone, they wind up leaving me—or trying their damnedest to leave me. That’s what I’m always trying to ‘overcome.’ And now that I love you, now that I’m not holding anything back... Kat, I couldn’t overcome it if I lost you.”

  “Well, then, that’s easy. You won’t lose me. Simple.”

  Josh scoffs. “No, you don’t understand.”

  I wait.

  “What if it’s not your choice?” he finally says. “It wasn’t my mother’s choice.”

  I take a deep breath. “Well, sorry to be blunt about it,” I say, “but that’s just the gamble of life, honey. Life can be a bitch and a half and there’s nothing we can do about it. Look what just happened to Colby. But I’m telling you I’m not going anywhere, if I can help it. Wild horses couldn’t drag me away and that’s all I can promise you. And that’s got to be enough, babe—I’m only human.”

  Josh makes a sound I can’t interpret.

  “What?” I ask.

  “What if I fuck up? What then? Will you leave me then?”

  “Just don’t fuck up.”

  Josh scoffs. “Kat.”

  I smile in the dark. “What?”

  “I’m serious.”

  “So am I.”

  “Kat, I’m gonna fuck up—we both know that. How could I not? I told you—I don’t know what love looks like up close. I’m a blind man feeling my way in the dark with my hands tied behind my back. I’ll fuck it up and then you’ll leave me and then my brains will be splattered on the ceiling.”

  “Well, first off, that’s just dumb,” I say. “You’re not giving yourself enough credit for your awesomeness. You’re covered in Teflon, baby, remember? But second off, I’ve got an easy fix for the whole situation.” I touch his face and I’m shocked to find his cheeks are still wet. “Oh, Josh,” I breathe.

  Josh abruptly turns his face away from my touch. “What’s your easy fix?”

  I kiss his broad shoulder and turn his face toward mine in the dark. “I’ll teach you what to do, honey. Problem solved. Slowly but surely, I’ll teach you how to do this love-thing. And so will my family. And so will our baby. And whenever you fuck up, I’ll forgive you and you’ll get better and better at it until you hardly fuck up at all.”

  He doesn’t reply. And in the silence, I suddenly realize the Plain White T’s song on constant repeat is starting to annoy the shit out of me. I reach over to my laptop and flip my playlist onto shuffle, and “Mirrors” by Justin Timberlake randomly begins to play.

  I scoot back to Josh in bed, smashing my breasts against his broad back. “Babe,” I say. “Listen to me. You can totally do this. Remember when you started the L.A. branch of Faraday & Sons? You didn’t know a goddamned thing about running a business, but you learned on the job and kicked ass and now you’re a freaking beast. Well, same thing here.”

  Josh lets out a long exhale.

  “Plus, it won’t even be possible for you to blow your brains out onto my wedding dress because there won’t be a wedding dress. Ever. Easy peasy pumpkin squeezy. Problem solved.”

  Josh doesn’t reply.

  Shit, this man is a tough nut to crack.

  “Hello?” I say. “You’ve gone completely mute on me, boy. At least gimme a hint about what you’re thinking.”

  “I’ll give you more than a hint,” he says, his voice soft but intense. “I’m thinking I love you. I’m thinking I’m so lucky I found you. And I’m thinking I hate myself for crying like a little bitch right now.”

  “I love you, too,” I say, sighing with relief. “And you’re not crying like a little bitch. You’re crying like a normal human. Finally.”

  Josh kisses me passionately. He’s obviously calmed down and returned to his usual form. His panic attack, or whatever the heck it was, seems to be over.

  “Okay?” I ask, stroking his hair. “All better?”

  “Yeah,” he says, sounding like the weight of the world has just been lifted off him. “I’m good.”

  “Honey, slowly but surely, you’ll learn how to do the love-thing and you’ll become wise and powerful and unstoppable. Okay?”

  “Well, I’m already wise and powerful. I’ve told you that a hundred times. Damn, you’re a horrible listener.”

  “Oh, yeah,” I coo. I touch his cheeks in the dark. They’re dry now. Sticky with his dried tears, but dry. “I know you’re wise and powerful,” I whisper. “I was just seeing if you were listening.”

  “I love you, Kat,” Josh whispers.

  “I love you, too—I love you, I love you, I love you.”

  Josh’s breathing hitches. “Thank you for saying ‘I love you’ and not ‘me, too.’ I had no idea how awesome it would feel to hear you say those actual words to me.”

  “I love you, I love you, I love you,” I say. “Forever.”

  Josh kisses me—but he doesn’t say that last word back to me, I notice.

  Well, damn. I knew I was pushing my luck hoping for a promise of “forever” from Josh Faraday, but, hey, it didn’t hurt to try. Really, I should have known “forever” simply isn’t in the man’s vocabulary. It’s okay, though—I’m content. Josh has promised to be mine—to love me and make a home with me and to be a father for our child. Considering what he’s been through in his life, and how fucked up he is underneath all that glitter, I’m pretty sure
that’s the most I could ever hope to squeeze out of this particular turnip.

  I pull on his shoulder and guide him to lie back down in the bed with me, nose to nose, just as the song on my laptop flips to the next random song on my computer: “The Distance” by Cake.

  “Oh, God, I love Cake,” Josh says.

  “Me, too. I saw them last year. They were fantastic.”

  “You did? In Seattle?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I saw them in L.A. last year,” Josh says.

  “Oh my God, the dude with the trumpet—”

  “I know,” Josh says cutting me off enthusiastically. “I couldn’t take my eyes off him the whole time. He was singing backup-vocals and playing keys and trumpet, all at the same time. Incredible.”

  “Incredible,” I agree. I sing the chorus to “Sheep Go To Heaven, Goats Go To Hell,” one of my favorite Cake songs, and Josh laughs.

  “I love that song,” he says, nuzzling his nose into mine in the dark.

  “Well, I love you,” I reply.

  He presses his body against mine. “That Plain White T’s song was a stroke of genius—utterly diabolical,” Josh says. “Thank you for that.”

  “I’ve been dying to tell you,” I say. “I thought I was gonna explode if I didn’t finally tell you. I figured if that song plus the thing with Bridgette didn’t finally make you break down and say the magic words to me, then nothing ever would.”

  “What do you mean the thing with Bridgette?”

  “Yeah. The thing with Bridgette. You know. I figured the way to unlock your tortured heart once and for all was through a trap door marked ‘Sick Fuck.’” I smile smugly in the dark. “And I was right, of course.”

  Josh laughs. “Oh my God. You think you manipulated me into saying ‘I love you’ tonight?”

  “No. Not manipulated you—more like made a safe place for you to say it. I’d say I ‘set the stage’ for you to say it.”

  “Well, guess what, Madame Terrorist? I was gonna say it tonight no matter what. So there.”

  I scoff.

  “It’s true. I had everything planned. I had a romantic dinner lined up at my house and I was gonna tell you tonight.”